Heart of My Heart

Just wrote out my goals, and was about to start journalling and thought maybe my thoughts would be ok  on here.


Been thinking lots, praying and trying to figure out what I really want to be....what I'm suppose to be and what I am destined to be...when I grow up.


When I was younger, (being the youngest I think added to this), I always was waiting to grow up. I never felt  Old enough, Big enough, Wise enough, Ready enough, for much of anything. I was waiting....always waiting.
Even after I had 3 kids, I was still waiting, for what? To grow up. Or maybe to feel grown up.


I remember reading about David, and how Samuel came to anoint the next King and asked Jesse to gather all his sons. From oldest, strongest, biggest....down the line he looked at each of them...nope, nope, no, uh huh, not that one...and so on...then finally he turned to Jesse and said " Don't you have any other sons? "
Well, ya, but he was just a kid watching the sheep. Samuel told him to send for him.
David arrived, stood before Samuel and ta da... he was anointed to be next King of Israel. A kid? Well, the truth is, he didn't become king immediately, but he did eventually,  and one of the greatest in history.
But the anointing came when he was just a...kid. And Samuels words rang within me and still comfort me.
" Man looks on the outward appearance...But God....looks on the heart"


How wonderful and comforting it is to know that God, doesn't judge me on my outward appearance...even when I screw up and blow it. He looks at my heart...my heart of hearts which is so desiring to do what is right, to seek His will for my life. My heart that sometimes is so clouded by what I see, what I feel and what I experience...No, He looks at my deepest heart and holds that as precious, knowing who I truly am, even the me that I am still discovering.


And right now, even though I feel like I've finally grown up, I am still waiting and wondering what Destiny He has for me...something that is hidden in my heart of hearts...that He will reveal in His perfect timing. I kind of think I know what it is....and I hope in a way I'm right...but also feel overwhelmed and scared and even maybe hope I'm wrong!  Which is again, a great indication that God may just very well be right in the middle of it. Too Big? Ya, God's Bigger!

So, keep me company? I can use encouragement and support as I continue to seek out and explore what possibly could be my divine destiny chosen specifically for Me...for such a time as this.